Informational websites such as www.The-clitoris.com will help both women and men; as will more specific sites designed to deal with such conditions as delayed ejaculation, a condition in which men cannot ejaculate during sexual intercourse and/or masturbation.
This condition has been known as delayed ejaculation in the past and is now also referred to as male orgasmic disorder.
Finally, we have a great site for men with erectile dysfunction - that is, men who may not be able to get an an erection once in a while or every time they attempt intercourse.
These male sexual problems, including erection problems, are all very distressing to the men concerned, but the good news is that they can easily be treated with self-help treatment programs at home.
Several general guides on the subject of sex for couples include some useful sites, among them one which discusses male and female sexuality and sexual experience and another which includes advice on sex for couples, with a focus on advanced sexual techniques.
What is it?
The persistent inability to achieve or maintain an erection hard enough to finish masturbation, oral sex or sexual intercourse. An intermittent problem in getting hard isn't really a problem.
Most men will have an erection problem at least once in their life. Reasons include stress, tiredness, too much alcohol or simply not liking the prospect of one's sexual partner or indeed sex itself. It's a lot more common than you might think - recurrent erectile dysfunction is estimated to affect about one man in twelve.
Although getting older is not a reason to expect erectile dysfunction , the risk nevertheless increases with age: up to one man in five between the ages of 50 and 59 year has trouble not getting erect compared to one in thirteen 18 to 29 year olds.
What causes erectile dysfunction?
There are two major reasons why men get erectile dysfunction: physical causes and psychological causes. Most doctors think most cases are physical but a lot of sex therapists would say that it's hard to separate the physical and emotional symptoms and causes. Erectile dysfunction makes everyone who has it feel worse, and this anxiety, depression and stress causes even worse erectile dysfunction.
The main physical origin of erectile dysfunction is diabetes. Up to a quarter of diabetic men aged 30–34 have some degree of erectile dysfunction, as do three quarters of diabetic men aged 60–64.
Inadequate blood flow to the penis because of atherosclerosis - high levels of cholesterol deposited on the walls of the arterioles - causes about 40% of erectile dysfunction cases in men aged over 50. Smoking is implicated in over three quarters of erectile dysfunction because the blood vessels are damaged and constricted - those leading to the penis are pretty narrow anyway, so any further damage prejudices their ability to carry blood.
Also, believe it or not, cycling can damage those vital arteries. It's crucial to get the correct saddle.
Regular consumption of alcohol can certainly damage nerves to the penis, reduce testosterone levels and increase the circulating levels of estradiol.
As if all these threats to the sexual well-being of most men weren't enough, even prescribed drugs can have a major impact on erectile failure - especially those prescribed for high blood pressure, heart disease, peptic ulcers, depression and cancer.
This should certainly be the first recourse for many men who have symptoms of erectile dysfunction. As many as a fourth of all cases of erectile dysfunction is caused by prescription meds.
Dramatic trauma and injury, such as spinal cord injury, and surgery to the prostate gland, will cause erectile dysfunction in about one man in four. The risk of erectile failure depends on the type of surgery, though removal of the prostate gland - radical prostatectomy - is the most likely cause of the problem.
The most well known psychological causes of erectile dysfunction include relationship conflicts, sexual conflicts, not being sure if you want sex with your partner, stress and anxiety, depression (the most common side effect of depression is probably erectile failure) and uncertainty around sexual orientation issues. It's also possible that a lack of libido due to sexual boredom can cause erection problems.
The classic way to work out if erectile dysfunction has a physical cause is to check if you get an erection during the night or when masturbating. If you can get erect under these circumstances, then you are probably suffering from a psychological case of erectile dysfunction.
A healthy lifestyle, and stopping smoking, reducing alcohol intake and getting regular aerobic exercise with a suitable low-fat diet will all help. Diabetes should be properly controlled; even if you can't quite see the point you should see a doctor as soon as you notice there is any kind of problem with your erections, not least because the presence of erection problems can be a good indicator of high cholesterol, and this may lead to a heart attack.
The relevance of the cholesterol issue to men prescribed Viagra for erectile dysfunction, is that in one study carried out on 50 men, none of whom had any symptoms of heart disease, a massive forty percent were revealed to have serious blockages of their coronary arteries with cholesterol. They had a significant risk of heart attack or angina.
As far as prescription meds are concerned, if you are receiving treatment with prescription drugs, you should check if they might be affecting your sexual capacity and erectile ability. There are often other treatments which will have less impact on your sex life.
Treatments include oral drugs such as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra. These are now commonly prescribed and have a good safety record. They work by allowing the blood vessels of the penis to relax and allow more blood to flow in, although they are not aphrodisiacs and you must therefore be sexually stimulated and have a reasonable level of sexual desire before you take them if they are to work.
For safety reasons, they cannot be taken by men who are also taking medicines prescribed for angina. The exact characteristics and effects of each of these drugs can be discussed with your doctor.
Although you may not like the idea of injection therapy, Caverject and Viridal are effective ways of dealing with erectile dysfunction. You have to inject into the penis every time you have sex, and this is understandably off-putting to many men. When you have injected the drug, usually alprostadil, the blood vessels and muscles of the penis relax, allowing increased blood flow and generating an erection within about 15 minutes.
MUSE (medicated urethral system for erection) is an alternative system, which also uses alprostadil, and is administered into the penis by means of a small pellet inserted through the urethral meatus, with a single-dose, disposable applicator.
Vacuum pumps are an old-fashioned but nonetheless effective system for adding rigidity to your penis. You insert your penis into a plastic cylinder and then pump the air out, producing a vacuum which sucks the blood into the penis; once the penis is rigid or semi-rigid, you can keep it so with the aid of a rubber ring placed around the base of the penile shaft. There are few, if any side-effects, and the process certainly works for the majority of men who try it.
However, unless you incorporate it into your lovemaking, it can be an interruption to the sequence of sexual activity, and so many men prefer to use other methods.
Testosterone supplementation is a treatment used by some men. Testosterone replacement therapy may be necessary if your hormone levels are low, but you need to have this checked by a competent doctor who has the requisite skill and knowledge to be able to determine if your hormone levels are low. This is not easy, especially as the absolute level of testosterone is not a good indicator of your situation.
Sex therapy Sex therapy is a useful route to explore for men who have erectile dysfunction, particularly when there is an underlying problem such as conflict about sexual orientation, or resentment within the relationship. Sexual psychotherapy can help to uncover the issues which are causing the emotional conflict that is leading to erectile failure.
The challenge of course with any kind of therapy like this is that it may uncover issues which are likely to lead to significant changes in the relationship, or perhaps even the end of the relationship. Nonetheless it may be necessary for men with erectile dysfunction to explore their sexual issues, because where erectile failure is due to emotional conflict, there are few alternatives: Viagra will probably not work if you are failing to get an erection because of emotional conflicts.
Perhaps even more challenging, this kind of therapy is much more useful when your long-term partner takes part, although this can of course make the prospect even more overwhelming. It is a commonplace observation that both the loss of erection and the regaining of erection can cause significant issues within a couple's relationship.
Even if you do not wish to take up the option of professional psychotherapy it is certainly worth talking to your partner about the relationship problems you are having as a result of your erectile dysfunction. It is not uncommon for men to try and deal with this in secret, offering all kinds of excuses to their partner as to why they cannot have sex.
It may even be that the man's partner is complicit in the deception, and goes along with the excuses that he offers so as not to face up to the real sexual issues within the relationship.
Needless to say, this is not a helpful approach. Nonetheless if a couple is willing to look at these issues together, it is quite possible to find a successful treatment for ED.
To help this process, try and move away from a place where you feel that it is necessary to have sex, that is to say sexual intercourse, as a component part of your sexual relationship.
There are plenty of other ways of enjoying sex: masturbation, oral sex, even fondling, cuddling and kissing, or sexual and erotic massage; all these will fulfill the function of giving the woman orgasm while still allowing the man to be sexual with her despite his loss of erection. Intimate activities like these will also strengthen the emotional bond between the man and a woman, even in the absence of sex.
Some men who have erection problems try to increase the level of sexual stimulation they are getting by using hardcore pornography, or by asking their partner to indulge in fetishistic sexual activity. These are not cures for erectile dysfunction, and they rarely work, and they will probably leave you feeling much worse than you did before.
The best options for dealing with erectile failure are to start by getting medical attention, to take up a treatment program that may well offer you the chance of restoring your sexual function, and to avoid those things which will make matters worse. Don't try and treat yourself by seeking out pornography, or by asking a partner to wear erotic clothing or act out your fantasies. This almost certainly won't work and could leave you feeling even more upset.
Loss of erection undermines your masculinity in a profound way; and other effects of erectile dysfunction, such as loss of sexual self-confidence, can be equally negative, so it is important you deal with it constructively.
Delayed ejaculation is a condition in which a man is unable to ejaculate during sexual intercourse or masturbation. In some cases he may ejaculate after a prolonged bout of lovemaking, although this commonly leaves the woman sore and both partners frustrated and resentful.
This condition, like erectile dysfunction, is usually caused by psychological or emotional issues such as performance anxiety, sexual self-consciousness, repressed anxiety about sex, sexual guilt, or some other emotional issue. There are some aspects of the condition which are very clear clues as to its origin.
For example, if you are unable to ejaculate with only one particular partner, it is a clear indication that you have some deep emotional issues with that woman. If you have this kind of situational delayed ejaculation, you need to take some steps to resolve whatever emotional issues are going on between you and your partner.
If you cannot ejaculate with anyone, then you may still need some good sexual psychotherapy, but it is probably going to be of a more general nature.
Besides these emotional issues, it is also possible that in some cases a woman may be too well lubricated or her vagina may not be gripping the man's penis sufficiently tightly to bring him to orgasm. It is certainly true that as a man ages he needs more stimulation to bring his penis to full erection and rigidity and he needs more stimulation to reach orgasm. There has also been a suggestion that delayed ejaculation may be due to low penile sensitivity.
As with erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation may be caused by certain prescription drugs, so it's a good idea to have these issues checked by a doctor before you look for some kind of therapy. The comments that we made about sexual psychotherapy with respect to erectile dysfunction above also apply to sexual psychotherapy for delayed ejaculation.
That is to say, you may find it too threatening, or too intimidating, or too embarrassing to discuss such intimate matters with a therapist. If this is so there are excellent resources available to you online, where you can establish all the information you need about these conditions and gain knowledge of treatment protocols that will help you quickly resolve your delayed ejaculation.
It is worth emphasizing that any treatment which suggests you should use extremely strong stimulation to produce an orgasm is most likely to be unhelpful, because what is needed is an ejaculation that results from normal levels of stimulation; hyper-stimulation runs the risk of both causing the penis to become sore and your sexual arousal to become even more firmly entrenched in the need for the vigorous stimulation before you can ejaculate.
Sexual Dysfunction Association Web site: www.sda.uk.net For information and advice on all sexual dysfunctions.
Relate Web site: www.relate.org.uk For counseling for relationship and/or sexual problems.
Premature ejaculation is likely to be the sexual dysfunction with which most readers of this website are familiar. We reckon that about 75% of men want to develop better (i.e longer lasting) lovemaking skills. Much has been written on the causes of premature ejaculation, though many remain somewhat obscure.
The suggestions range from oversensitivity of the penis and hurried masturbation as a teenager all the way to emotional resentment against one's partner, and the desire to speed up the whole sequence of sexual activity and "get it over with".
However common sense would suggest that the most common cause of premature ejaculation is in fact over-excitement, when a man is simply too sexually aroused, so much so that he ejaculates as a consequence before he would wish to do so. Premature ejaculation is so common as to be considered absolutely normal - about 60% of men will have an ejaculation before they are ready for it.
The crucial aspect of any definition of premature ejaculation is that a man reaches orgasm before he and his partner wish him to do so. This of course implies a lack of sexual fulfillment of the woman in particular.
The challenge in devising an effective effective and efficient treatment is that there is little incentive for the man to delay his ejaculation and prolong intercourse except the thought of giving his partner greater pleasure - when it comes to the crunch, a man may just be overwhelmed with his desire to ejaculate. It is not, after all, natural to stop having sex just before you come!
Having said that, there are plenty of treatment methods available, and it is not so difficult to learn how to last longer during sex. Certainly the ability to last for a long time in bed depends on the ability to monitor your own level of sexual arousal and determine when you are approaching orgasm, together with having some way of slowing down the speed with which you approach orgasm.
It is it is a fallacy that there is no effective treatment for premature ejaculation. You can easily learn to control it by adopting a treatment methodology which slows down the rate at which you approach the point of no return as you become more sexually aroused during sex.
The old-fashioned squeeze technique and the stop-start technique are outmoded; the squeeze technique has become unfashionable because it is painful and very disruptive to the smooth progress of sexual intercourse; the stop-start technique because it is quite an art for a man to judge the point at which he is going to ejaculate, and this also requires discipline and commitment.
None the less with these two qualities it is very possible to control your ejaculation and extend the time for which you are able to make love to upwards of 15 minutes.
In conclusion we should make the observation that any treatment in which you can spray anesthetic onto your penis or use a condom with anesthetic are not good or effective; they may well make your penis feel numb, but they will not increase the length of time for which you are able to make love, and you will still ejaculate just as quickly because the excitement that leads you to ejaculate is more mental than physical.
Some other comments: you may wish to masturbate more frequently, so as to reduce your libido and increase the length of time for which you can thrust in your partner's vagina before you ejaculate. You may also wish to wear a condom, practice relaxation techniques and focus on your whole body experience rather than just what you feel in your genitals.